DAY 1 - The Bomb

So a few years ago I made the decision that I wanted to accomplish one massive goal each year - something awesome to set my mind to, something that would shock and inspire my friends, family and most importantly myself. In 2013, I lost my marbles and signed up to the London Marathon which left everyone pretty gosh darn gobsmacked. In 2014, I finally got the guts to make the big leap to Australia, which was quite a brave thing according to some of my homebody friends.

I had put a lot of thought into my big goal for 2015, but had a particularly hard time coming up with a big and exciting challenge. Well this year, instead of selecting my goal, I had it delivered to me by my sweet South African doctor on a dreary, wet Monday morning in Bondi. 

On the 2nd of February, after a pretty sleepless Sunday night, I went off to the doctor first thing so that I could make it into work on time. I waited patiently with my Colombian before my name was called. I sat down as she asked to take a minute to look over the results from my biopsy. Uh oh, I knew something was up. With clasped hands she turned to me and said that the lump that I had discovered in my left boob at the end of the last year was in fact malignant. And cue....mind explosion. 

I covered my eyes with my hands and let out two deep sobs as I felt my heart crack like a coconut. Super cliched I know, but I physically felt something break in there okay! She called the Colombian in, I stained his shirt with my tears as she explained what had happened. The moment was a blur of hot tears (you know it's bad when the tears are hot) and shock but what I do remember is apologising for ruining the doctor's Monday morning. Ha ha. She called the specialist and organised an appointment for later that day. 

We walked out and I sobbed some more as pedestrians peered around from under their umbrellas. I called my sister in Adelaide before the Colombian and I got on a train and a bus and made our way to the other side of Sydney. We waited in a coffee shop, googling all the scary medical jargon on my biopsy report as I wept and nibbled on a displeasing passionfruit muffin. We walked through a nearby park, held hands and listened to the birds before heading to the specialist. 

He talked me through the treatment options as I broke into tears again. From the ultrasound and the biopsy report he said I would need to have surgery to remove the cancer before a round of radiation to zap it properly. So this could potentially be done and dusted within 3 months. No word of chemo was mentioned so I felt a small pang of relief in the overall turmoil of the situation. VICTORY!  

Phew!

He gave me a referral and asked that I schedule an MRI and mammogram for that week. We would also await the the important hormone receptor results that were missing from the biopsy report. I would then return to see him the following Monday to discuss all the new results and we could put the plan together. 

It is now a whole month since I was diagnosed. Since then my diagnosis has changed and unfortunately so has my treatment plan. I have thought about starting a blog since it happened but the last few weeks have been incredibly uhhhh stressful and heartwrenching and pretty much a giant mind FUCK, to say the least.

The reasons for doing this blog? Well, should you ever have the extreme misfortune of contracting this fucking asshole of a disease, you might be struck with an overwhelming desire to turn what is potentially one of the most negative situations into a positive. I am hoping that through this blog I will be able to gather my scattered thoughts, to keep myself mildly sane, to hopefully educate at least one person, to talk a bit about my experience, to ease the pain and fear of those going through this situation and ultimately to get a laugh or two if I can.