Serious as Cancer
As some of you might be aware, I finally finished the fiend that is CHEMO. My final round also marked the end of my Cancer Treatment! Wahey! So seven months after my diagnosis, this hellish nightmare has remarkably (and quite unbelievably) come to (what I pray) is the end.
I broadcasted this on Facebook a few weeks ago, also claiming that I got the Cancer Free stamp of approval. Now a lot of people seem to have assumed that I have gotten a big scan and have conclusive proof that the cancer is gone when this is not reeeeeally the case. To clarify, I was actually declared cancer free after my mastectomy. My tumour had 'clear margins' and the lymph nodes that were removed were all clear so for all intents and purposes I was deemed 'cancer free'. But due to the aggressive form of my cancer that makes it prone to hop around the body and grow in a rather speedy fashion, chemo was needed to give the body a good blitz but was largely used as a preventative measure. So no there has been no big scan but I will have several check ups each year as well as an annual mammogram. On the day of my final chemo I asked my Oncologist if I could say I was cancer free and she said yes so that's what I am rolling with!
So the last few weeks have been spent recovering from the effects of my last chemo and starting the process of feeling slightly more HUMAN again! So in the words of old mate Deepak, I am making my 'return to wholeness'.
Denial take 2 is also in full swing as I can't really believe its all over! In typical post-trauma fashion some weird chemical has been released in my brain and the memory of all the physical and mental agony of the last few months has magically disappeared. POOF. Although the non-jiggly left boob and axe-woundish scar are a bit of a reminder. That and the current head situation, which I am pleased to say is a little less Voldemort (WOO HOO) and a little more like a brunette version of the grandpa emoji (BOO).
Since finishing I have ventured out a bit more and seen a few old friends and people that have followed my story. It's pretty weird talking to people about my blog and my treatment because I kind of feel a bit embarrassed. Not because I am in a beanie and look like a bare lashed baby bird but because I feel like I have been a bit of a drama queen really.
I tried to make my blog as honest as possible but I was often fearful of how I just sounded like such a whinging sad sack crying out for a pity party. I have shown you a very personal account of being diagnosed with cancer and the gruelling treatment that has ensued for the last 7 months. And whilst I tried to inject some humour into my writing, the content was overall pretty negative and really hasn't displayed how very LUCKY I have been.
After being diagnosed I trawled the internet in search of stories and information. I also joined a private group on Facebook for women who have or had my specific kind of breast cancer. What I found online and through my support group was harrowing and quite often terrifying and made me see how my situation has actually paled in comparison to so many women out there.
How have I been lucky you ask?
1. Whilst so many women have had to struggle financially - juggling work, kids and battling cancer, I was given a year off by my awesome employer in Sydney and was able to get all the financial support, emotional support and every other possible kind of support from my amazing family and friends back in Cape Town.
2. Whilst I have read so many horror stories of other women suffering through delayed reconstructions, infections and implant complications (I'm talking exploding boobs and a host of other horrendous issues) - my surgery went better than I could ever have imagined. I was set to have an expander placed behind my pectoral muscle which would stretch the area and allow me to have an implant several months later. I was also set to lose my nipple and have reconstruction at a later date which was a highly distressing prospect. But my surgeons worked some magic and I awoke with no expander, a brand new implant and my actual nipple still attached!
3. Whilst it was a Grade 3 tumour, my final pathology diagnosed my cancer as Stage 1A. There is a stage 0 but 1A is pretty much a best case scenario.
4. Chemo has a habit of f*cking up certain lady bits so I had to have fertility treatment as a precaution. Babies are seriously not on my radar AT ALL but it was something that had to be done for the future. I haven't really focussed on this treatment on my blog but I was pretty fortunate in that area as I only had to have 1 round of treatment which involved jabbing myself with hormones, getting probed every few days as well as yet another procedure.
6. Then came my 6 rounds of chemo.Yes, it was hard but I got through without any low blood counts, without any complications or hospitalisations and without any delays to my treatment. A lot of people have not had the issue-free ride that I have had over the last few months.
7. In terms of side effects, although I did suffer some physical changes I managed to avoid putting on any weight, I managed to hang onto a few eyelashes, I managed to keep all my fingernails and toes, I never had any serious nerve problems and my hair started growing back before I even finished chemo! Whilst there are some lingering side effects (I still get tired A LOT), I have been astounded by my body's ability to bounce back after everything it's been through.
Yes, of course I am unlucky because I got cancer and that I have had to go through months of hell but I guess the number one stroke of luck is the very splendid fact that I am ALIVE to tell the tale (and with both boobs and some hair still in tact).
Tune in tomorrow for a taste of how it actually feels to finish cancer treatment!
I broadcasted this on Facebook a few weeks ago, also claiming that I got the Cancer Free stamp of approval. Now a lot of people seem to have assumed that I have gotten a big scan and have conclusive proof that the cancer is gone when this is not reeeeeally the case. To clarify, I was actually declared cancer free after my mastectomy. My tumour had 'clear margins' and the lymph nodes that were removed were all clear so for all intents and purposes I was deemed 'cancer free'. But due to the aggressive form of my cancer that makes it prone to hop around the body and grow in a rather speedy fashion, chemo was needed to give the body a good blitz but was largely used as a preventative measure. So no there has been no big scan but I will have several check ups each year as well as an annual mammogram. On the day of my final chemo I asked my Oncologist if I could say I was cancer free and she said yes so that's what I am rolling with!
So the last few weeks have been spent recovering from the effects of my last chemo and starting the process of feeling slightly more HUMAN again! So in the words of old mate Deepak, I am making my 'return to wholeness'.
Denial take 2 is also in full swing as I can't really believe its all over! In typical post-trauma fashion some weird chemical has been released in my brain and the memory of all the physical and mental agony of the last few months has magically disappeared. POOF. Although the non-jiggly left boob and axe-woundish scar are a bit of a reminder. That and the current head situation, which I am pleased to say is a little less Voldemort (WOO HOO) and a little more like a brunette version of the grandpa emoji (BOO).
Since finishing I have ventured out a bit more and seen a few old friends and people that have followed my story. It's pretty weird talking to people about my blog and my treatment because I kind of feel a bit embarrassed. Not because I am in a beanie and look like a bare lashed baby bird but because I feel like I have been a bit of a drama queen really.
I tried to make my blog as honest as possible but I was often fearful of how I just sounded like such a whinging sad sack crying out for a pity party. I have shown you a very personal account of being diagnosed with cancer and the gruelling treatment that has ensued for the last 7 months. And whilst I tried to inject some humour into my writing, the content was overall pretty negative and really hasn't displayed how very LUCKY I have been.
After being diagnosed I trawled the internet in search of stories and information. I also joined a private group on Facebook for women who have or had my specific kind of breast cancer. What I found online and through my support group was harrowing and quite often terrifying and made me see how my situation has actually paled in comparison to so many women out there.
How have I been lucky you ask?
1. Whilst so many women have had to struggle financially - juggling work, kids and battling cancer, I was given a year off by my awesome employer in Sydney and was able to get all the financial support, emotional support and every other possible kind of support from my amazing family and friends back in Cape Town.
2. Whilst I have read so many horror stories of other women suffering through delayed reconstructions, infections and implant complications (I'm talking exploding boobs and a host of other horrendous issues) - my surgery went better than I could ever have imagined. I was set to have an expander placed behind my pectoral muscle which would stretch the area and allow me to have an implant several months later. I was also set to lose my nipple and have reconstruction at a later date which was a highly distressing prospect. But my surgeons worked some magic and I awoke with no expander, a brand new implant and my actual nipple still attached!
3. Whilst it was a Grade 3 tumour, my final pathology diagnosed my cancer as Stage 1A. There is a stage 0 but 1A is pretty much a best case scenario.
4. Chemo has a habit of f*cking up certain lady bits so I had to have fertility treatment as a precaution. Babies are seriously not on my radar AT ALL but it was something that had to be done for the future. I haven't really focussed on this treatment on my blog but I was pretty fortunate in that area as I only had to have 1 round of treatment which involved jabbing myself with hormones, getting probed every few days as well as yet another procedure.
6. Then came my 6 rounds of chemo.Yes, it was hard but I got through without any low blood counts, without any complications or hospitalisations and without any delays to my treatment. A lot of people have not had the issue-free ride that I have had over the last few months.
7. In terms of side effects, although I did suffer some physical changes I managed to avoid putting on any weight, I managed to hang onto a few eyelashes, I managed to keep all my fingernails and toes, I never had any serious nerve problems and my hair started growing back before I even finished chemo! Whilst there are some lingering side effects (I still get tired A LOT), I have been astounded by my body's ability to bounce back after everything it's been through.
Yes, of course I am unlucky because I got cancer and that I have had to go through months of hell but I guess the number one stroke of luck is the very splendid fact that I am ALIVE to tell the tale (and with both boobs and some hair still in tact).
Tune in tomorrow for a taste of how it actually feels to finish cancer treatment!
Your blogs have been so inspiring to read as well as informative. Having other people around me go throughthe same thing, your blog put some brutal honesty and really helped understand what you go through with this hideous disease! Congrats on the all clear and thank you for sharing and baring all with us x Claire
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