Chemo Continued...
So I know I haven't posted for a few weeks/months so thought I would give a little update. To explain my absence, I am 4 chemo sessions down and have pretty much been knocked on my ass so the motivation/energy levels have been a little low. Secondly, the support has been really overwhelming and amazing and I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the messages and cards and flowers (literally my room has looked like a florist for the last 5 months) but I just needed a little time out from the cancer poster girl limelight. Thirdly, I just hit a point of feeling SO OVER talking about cancer and chemo ALL the freaking time.
SO let's talk about side effects! The last blog was dedicated to hair loss which is one of the most disturbing side effects that chemo treatment can cause. My head managed to retain a few little sprouts and I am now pretty used to being a badass baldy. For anyone starting their chemo journey, I can tell you that the process of losing your hair is 100 times more disturbing than the actual end result. It's winter so I have been covering up with a lot of beanies. I haven't ruled out getting a wig but right now I feel like everyone knows my story so what's the point. I reckon I would feel more uncomfortable and more scrutinised wearing one but that's just me! I had high hopes of looking like Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta or Charlise Theron in Mad Max. But, sadly, my current look is a little more Nosferatu than Mad Max....
As I have previously mentioned, my treatment has been split into 3 courses of one drug and 3 courses of another. FEC was the drug combo used for my first 3 rounds, the main side effects being my tragic hair loss after 15 short days, mind-bending nausea and disgust in food in general as well as collapsing (WTF!) and very painful veins. The first round was by far the worst, probably because it was all new and just a real shock to the system. The following 2 rounds I knew what to expect and tried to better manage and pre-empt the side effects. I think the side effects were actually pretty consistent but I was just able to mentally conquer them a bit more by the third round.
On my fourth round I changed to a drug called Taxotere (aka Docetere/Docetaxel) which I now refer to as TaxoTERRIBLE. The one bonus about the actual administering of the drug is that it is clear, not luminous orange. SCORE. Another bonus is that it took closer to 2 hours than 3 to seep into my body. SCORE. The night prior to my fourth round I took a relaxing bath and listened to my Deepak healing meditation series and was convinced that I would mentally kick the ass of the new drug.
The following day I got back from chemo and headed to bed, awaiting the side effect shitstorm to hit. And....nothing happened! Hurrah, Deepak you little biscuit! Day 2 rolled around and still nothing! Hurrah, Deepak you beeeeeeauty. Then came DAY 3.
You know that scene used in countless TV dramas and movies where one of the lead characters is in the car talking on the phone to their husband/wife/lover saying they are sorry or that they love them and moments after resolving whatever conflict and saying goodbye and lulling the audience into a false sense of security, we then see a light come out of nowhere and a car crashes into the drivers side of the car. Well that is what DAY 3 sort of felt like. Thanks for nothing Deepak!
I was given lists of side effects from my oncologist prior to my treatment so I had some idea of what to expect and just before changing to my new drug I smugly said that I would much rather take a few aches and pains over nausea any day. I TAKE IT BACK. I TAKE IT STRAIGHT BACK. Hot damn was it agony.
Those of you who have been to Glastonbury or any large scale festival will know that all over body pain, particularly in your lower back, which really hits you on the 4th day of trudging around in the mud. It usually reaches a point where you are forced to 'watch' Mumford and Sons from a squatting position as you stare at some hippy's rear and sip on some cider in the hopes of alleviating the paaaain. Well combine that pain with the worst flu aches and pains you have EVER had and that is what this chemo felt like.
The pain was accompanied by very flu-ish hot sweats, sporadic chills and feeling pretty weak and lifeless. Unlike FEC, I could really feel Taxotere eating away at my insides, eating away at my brain, my eyeballs and rendering me completely useless. For this drug, I was forced to take steroids before, during and after my chemo as people have been known to have severe allergic reactions to it. Between the side effects of the steroids and the side effects of the chemo, I was a HOT MESS.
I also suffered a horrendous emotional wipe out and pretty much became a weepy, irrational nightmare. I have always been a firm believer that the physical is closely linked to the mental so when your body gives out, it becomes a little taxing on your 'emotional' wellbeing. So pretty much PMS on crack then.
SO let's talk about side effects! The last blog was dedicated to hair loss which is one of the most disturbing side effects that chemo treatment can cause. My head managed to retain a few little sprouts and I am now pretty used to being a badass baldy. For anyone starting their chemo journey, I can tell you that the process of losing your hair is 100 times more disturbing than the actual end result. It's winter so I have been covering up with a lot of beanies. I haven't ruled out getting a wig but right now I feel like everyone knows my story so what's the point. I reckon I would feel more uncomfortable and more scrutinised wearing one but that's just me! I had high hopes of looking like Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta or Charlise Theron in Mad Max. But, sadly, my current look is a little more Nosferatu than Mad Max....
As I have previously mentioned, my treatment has been split into 3 courses of one drug and 3 courses of another. FEC was the drug combo used for my first 3 rounds, the main side effects being my tragic hair loss after 15 short days, mind-bending nausea and disgust in food in general as well as collapsing (WTF!) and very painful veins. The first round was by far the worst, probably because it was all new and just a real shock to the system. The following 2 rounds I knew what to expect and tried to better manage and pre-empt the side effects. I think the side effects were actually pretty consistent but I was just able to mentally conquer them a bit more by the third round.
On my fourth round I changed to a drug called Taxotere (aka Docetere/Docetaxel) which I now refer to as TaxoTERRIBLE. The one bonus about the actual administering of the drug is that it is clear, not luminous orange. SCORE. Another bonus is that it took closer to 2 hours than 3 to seep into my body. SCORE. The night prior to my fourth round I took a relaxing bath and listened to my Deepak healing meditation series and was convinced that I would mentally kick the ass of the new drug.
 |
| Ommmmmmmmmm |
You know that scene used in countless TV dramas and movies where one of the lead characters is in the car talking on the phone to their husband/wife/lover saying they are sorry or that they love them and moments after resolving whatever conflict and saying goodbye and lulling the audience into a false sense of security, we then see a light come out of nowhere and a car crashes into the drivers side of the car. Well that is what DAY 3 sort of felt like. Thanks for nothing Deepak!
I was given lists of side effects from my oncologist prior to my treatment so I had some idea of what to expect and just before changing to my new drug I smugly said that I would much rather take a few aches and pains over nausea any day. I TAKE IT BACK. I TAKE IT STRAIGHT BACK. Hot damn was it agony.
Those of you who have been to Glastonbury or any large scale festival will know that all over body pain, particularly in your lower back, which really hits you on the 4th day of trudging around in the mud. It usually reaches a point where you are forced to 'watch' Mumford and Sons from a squatting position as you stare at some hippy's rear and sip on some cider in the hopes of alleviating the paaaain. Well combine that pain with the worst flu aches and pains you have EVER had and that is what this chemo felt like.
The pain was accompanied by very flu-ish hot sweats, sporadic chills and feeling pretty weak and lifeless. Unlike FEC, I could really feel Taxotere eating away at my insides, eating away at my brain, my eyeballs and rendering me completely useless. For this drug, I was forced to take steroids before, during and after my chemo as people have been known to have severe allergic reactions to it. Between the side effects of the steroids and the side effects of the chemo, I was a HOT MESS.
I also suffered a horrendous emotional wipe out and pretty much became a weepy, irrational nightmare. I have always been a firm believer that the physical is closely linked to the mental so when your body gives out, it becomes a little taxing on your 'emotional' wellbeing. So pretty much PMS on crack then.
My eyebrows and eyelashes have been holding on for dear life. I suspect they will go eventually but the eyebrows are okay and easily spruced up with a little make up. The new chemo has also made my eyes pretty watery (not real tears so calm down), which I reckon has been the downfall of my lower lashes which keep on getting stuck to the dried up tears. Sexy I know! When you look at me you might think my face might look a little odd (besides from the fact that there is no hair on my head), well it is actually the lack of lashes. SOB.
Thankfully the nausea has been minimal and the appetite has been pretty normal. This return of appetite is great and all, except for the fact that I have been bedridden and the most inactive I have ever been in my LIFE so am starting to feel like a beached whale.
In addition, the chemo has totally FRIED my taste buds and palate. No really, I had actual ripples on my palate like I had just burnt it on some hot soup. A lot of people complain of food becoming tasteless. Well I felt like my tastebuds become hyper sensitive, like anything normally seasoned was so intensely salty and anything a tiny bit sour was like...
So to sum up, this new regimen has been much worse and well the last few weeks have been the definition of HELL. And cue the tiny violins! THERE THERE THERE! Poor me. Sorry to sound like such a moaning Myrtle but I guess I just want to paint a good picture to help others stuck in my position. Good news is that the moaning will hopefully be coming to an end as my treatment will be DONE in a few short WEEKS. WAHOOOOOOO.
 |
| Victory Dance! |
The next blog I will turning the tables and talking about something other than myself and shall be looking at another, very serious, disease. The devilish foot in mouth disease of which a lot of people seem to be suffering from, especially when dealing with a certain bald-headed, side-effect riddled cancer patient (okay it is a bit about me!)
Comments
Post a Comment